Messages from Beyond… Lynn’s Legacy

PART 1 ARTICLE 25 AUDIO FILE IN FOOTER

The morning after Lynn passed, I went to the beach, thinking about her memorial service scheduled for a month later. She had wanted Eva Cassidy’s haunting version of “Fields of Gold” to be played at the start of the service. When I asked her what other music she might want, she simply said, “You will know.” Typical Lynn, I imagined her looking down at me, snickering, as I struggled to figure this out.

Seeking inspiration, I put Eva Cassidy’s *Songbird* CD in my player. Although Fields of Gold was the first track, it just wouldn’t play. I tried over and over, turning the player on and off, but it kept skipping to the fifth song, Songbird. So, I decided to listen. The lyrics stopped me in my tracks:

For you, there’ll be no crying.  

For you, the sun will be shining. 

‘Cause I feel that when I’m with you,  

It’s alright.

I know it’s right.

And the songbirds keep singing like they know the score  

And I love you, I love you, I love you

Like never before.

Gob- smacked, I suddenly knew what other music needed to be played. As I pranced down the beach, I entertained the possibility that Lynn had just sent me her first message from beyond!  Now euphoric, I asked Lynn if she would send a butterfly, symbolic of transformation and new life, to land on my shoulder as I delivered her eulogy. 

I imagined her laughing hysterically at this request.  Although, Lynn had always promised that she would find a way to communicate with me after she passed.  But as a mostly rational, concrete human being, I wasn’t sure if or how that might manifest. 

Later, as I got into my car, a small, light-yellow butterfly with a black spot on each wing landed on my windshield wiper. This would be very unusual for early April.  It stayed there for the entire five-mile drive to my home.  When I arrived, I gently extended my hand, and the butterfly rested on it for a moment before flying off into the ether.

Nah, I thought, this can’t be happening, can it?

A few days later, while cleaning my winter-dirty pool, a huge, nearly black butterfly with bright orange markings landed on my hand. I continued vacuuming for another 15 minutes, the butterfly, eventually moving to my thigh, became my companion. When the doorbell rang, I went inside, and this little creature greeted my visitor.   Having already heard the story of the first butterfly, my friend gasped as this one also disappeared into the ether. At that moment, I felt enveloped in Lynn’s familiar scent.

But there’s more, so much more. A few days later, I was drawn outside to find a tiger swallowtail butterfly circling, lightly tapping my front door with each pass. I walked to the middle of the yard, extended my hand, and it landed ever so gently, only to take off when Rosie, my golden retriever, came to investigate. Lynn wasn’t a fan of dogs; this made me laugh.

Lynn always felt I was wasting my life working in the ER. She believed my skills could make a much greater impact. One day, she even said, “My being sick and dying will have been worthwhile if you do something to change medicine.” Jeez, no pressure there, Lynn, you little bugger.

My eulogy, which she (of course) co-wrote with me went off without the drama of my fantasied sermon on the meaning of the butterfly… something she would have found way too dramatic!

Over the next year, I developed a lecture series on Mind-Body Medicine, teaching many of the concepts that Lynn and I worked on during her cancer journey.   Before my first lecture, being a public speaking phobic, and feeling quite anxious, I said aloud, “Goddammit, Lynn, where are your damn butterflies now?”

I walked to the middle of the yard, extended my hand, and it landed ever so gently, only to take off when Rosie, my golden retriever, came to investigate. Lynn wasn’t a fan of dogs; this made me laugh. My co-workers often greeted me with, “get out the candles, get out the incense, Dr. Johnson, the bleeding heart is here.”

A few hours before that first lecture, my doorbell rang. It was Lynn’s husband, Gerry, presenting me with a token celebrating his first year of sobriety. And wouldn’t you know it,  a butterfly was etched on it.

Since then, I have unearthed ceramic butterflies every time I start a new garden. I have encountered a number of butterflies and large moths waiting at my door and watched them flutter through my home before disappearing into the ether. Even my husband, a very left-brained skeptic, would see them and say, “Hello, Lynn.” 

After my first Spirituality in Medicine lecture, Lynn’s dear hospice nurse, Marge, approached me and said she was certain these signs were Lynn. Apparently, Lynn had confided in Marge her plan to return as a butterfly to comfort her family and friends.

Just last year, I attended a yoga retreat.  While facing the group, I shared a number of Lynn stories. Suddenly, with mouths agape, they were staring past me.  I didn’t even have to look to know that butterflies were behind me… in fact, there were three.

These butterfly experiences continue to happen with regularity, but those who were the closest to Lynn continue to experience her presence vividly, with or without butterflies.  Coincidences? perhaps. But the regularity and intensity with which they happen have convinced me that synchronicity may be a more accurate assessment.     

What Does This All Mean?

People who work for hospice, surrounded by butterflies all the time, have no doubt as to its significance.   Are our loved one’s messaging from the beyond?   Is it a gift from the cosmic universe to comfort us in our grief?  Does some energetic essence of a person remain with us in some unseeable form after their physical bodies are gone?   None of us know for sure, but those of us, and there are MANY, who have had these experiences have no doubt that it is definitely something.  

The concept of eternity has captivated the human race from the beginning of time. Religious, secular, scientific, near-death-experience and reincarnation philosophies are all fascinating although just ceasing to exist is perhaps the most rational option. 

But I feel strongly that rationality has very little to do with what is beyond our human comprehension

Each person needs to settle with what resonates with who he/she is.   I don’t expect anyone to abandon their beliefs or rocket off to explore the outer limits of the cosmic universe as I have (and plan to do in future posts!).  

Science has proven that energy can neither be created or destroyed; it can only be changed from one form to another.  Love, being the most powerful energy on earth, will endure always, in ways we cannot possibly image

My only hope is that we might look at death with different lenses. We will never be privy to what may or may not be coming. But in the meantime, we need to be the most kind, compassionate and loving beings we can possibly be.  That alone brings us as close to heaven on earth as I imagine it, allowing us to live the rest of our days with peace, joy and freedom from fear.

Dedicated to the memory of Ben Oberto, taken from his family and friends’ way too soon.

The energy of his love will live on forever.

This is Lynn’s legacy.

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