
PART 2 ARTICLE 9 AUDIO FILE IN FOOTER ♫
This past year, I have lost several close friends and shared in the grief of others who have endured profound losses, including life-threatening diagnoses, the passing of their spouses, or, most heartbreakingly, their children. At my age of 72 and beyond, such losses are expected, yet each time it does, we are shocked anew.
Grief is a part of every human life but is omnipresent in our later chapters. Swimming beneath the tip of the iceberg of our conscious lives, now embattled by one storm after another, we can find peace, solace, and, over time, a completely different view of life and its meaning. But this only happens when we dive deep enough to learn to accept rather than fight the realities that now present themselves with painful regularity.
Human nature will always resist the concept of complete annihilation, making the peaceful acceptance of this reality problematic at best. The idea of a life after death has softened the blow of this reality from the beginning of time. I have read about and contemplated them all, taking in what feels right to me but accepting that any or all of them are possible, including the most “rational” concrete explanation that we may just cease to exist.
But here are a few things that I do know to be true. The essence of people we love will always exist as long as those who love him/her are still here. An important part of our healing is to continue sharing everything we love about them and how they have touched us with the world. This is easy to do as the essence of our loved ones will always be a part of our own. This could explain the widely shared experience of feeling the presence of or getting messages from someone who has passed.

June…
From the moment I met June, my neighbor across the street on the day I moved in 35 years ago, she and her family became my family. Her kids were my kids, as mine were hers. There was no question that we would always have each other’s backs, and we did even as I held her through her last breath four months ago. She is still here; she still has my back.
Kathy…
With just one look, I knew Kathy, a cat lady in every sense of the word, would always be my favorite nurse. Her warm, slightly devilish grin told me that we would laugh endlessly but also share a deep love of humanity, even in the context of the insanity of an ER.

She and I were always working when the Portuguese fishing boats docked. The ER was always the first stop to get the Penicillin shots to treat whatever they picked up at their last port of call. We got to know many of them by name. I’ll never forget the sardonic look on her face as she held the hypodermic needle, warning one patient that next time, she wouldn’t use lidocaine to ease the discomfort of the injection.
We all laughed as her kindness outweighed her sarcastic threats. Believe me, I feel her essence every time I pass a fishing boat in New Bedford or Provincetown. I can barely suppress the laughter that we share to this day.
Al…
I have written about my first husband, Al, who passed a year ago (read that article here). The period I grew most in my life from was both my marriage to Al and its end. He forced me to become a strong, independent adult at an early age. What a blessing! The energy of who he was still influences me in many ways.

Although I see myself as a fairly spiritual (not religious) person, his stated religion was “Just don’t be a dick!” An exquisite brief summary with which I resonate deeply.
And the day he met my very conservative, Republican, capitalist Dad and told him that the wealth of our country should be redistributed, I knew I would always be a liberal, though much more moderate. His powerful sense of human justice will always empower my own.

Merle…
Those I have come to consider soulmates live through me decades after they passed. They still inspire me to share the essence of who they were. Inspiration, kindness, and the unconditional love of my mentor and hero, Merle, informed both my medical career and how I would live my life.

Beth…
My dear friend in medical school and residency passed away while pursuing a single-parent adoption at age 30. In her application, she named me guardian should something happen to her. A few months later, before her adoption plans were finalized, she was diagnosed with stomach cancer which took her life. Three months later, I got a call from the agency from which I adopted my two children, saying they had another child for me.

Usually, Korea only allows two children to be adopted by a family, but they wanted this little girl, my Sarah Beth, to come to me. Oh, how Beth would have loved this feisty, independent ball of energy that is my, or should I say, our little girl. The essence of Beth undoubtedly gave me the extra energy and sense of humor required to give Sarah what she needed.
Lynn…
And finally, there is Lynn, who is still here doing her butterfly magic for everyone who loved her but completely changed my life and its purpose (also her purpose) forever. I don’t think she is responsible for the butterfly nebula pictured here, but with her, who knows?

Her life force has joined with my own to fulfill her wish that I do whatever I can to bring healing, not just curing, to the world. Now that is what I call essence! She continues to have one vibrant afterlife that I hope will find its way to be here forever.
Beyond that, neither I nor anyone else can say anything about life after death for certain. Although the heaven/hell concept doesn’t resonate with me personally, there is something I would like you to consider.
What would such a place look like to you? Angels, cherubs, harps, a loving humanlike God bathed in light… Perhaps.

But beyond that, what might it look like? Would there be hatred, anger, greed, wars, power struggles, billionaires, poverty, and all the terrible things that fill the landscape of the world we live in today? Indeed, I think everyone would agree that it would be quite the opposite.
So, since our future lives are uncertain at best, would it not make sense to make the only life we are guaranteed here on this planet as heavenlike as possible? Just a thought…