
PART 2 ARTICLE 6 AUDIO FILE IN FOOTER ♫
Sitting in the warmth and comfort of my Blue Foot Café, soothed by the gentlest instrumental Christmas music, I pause dreamily as I contemplate this season, its meaning, past, present, and future. The holidays have the mind-boggling power to deliver both joy and sorrow, wonder and disappointment, peace and chaos, love and annoyance and the possibility of healing.
On Christmas Eve and morning, words are unnecessary to describe wonder and magic. It is an omnipresent joyful energy of anticipation that permeates the essence of every child. Though impossible to put into words, you all know what I am talking about. Short-lived though it was, this is the most precious something that we can never forget.

Although I am by no means religious, I am so glad that I didn’t miss out on the sweetness of celebrating this baby named Jesus, whose life was said to be dedicated to bringing love, compassion, generosity, and peace to the world. It doesn’t matter whether one believes this to be a true story; the messages it teaches are precious and invaluable to the meaning and responsibility of human existence.
Children’s Christmas pageants and candlelit services every Christmas Eve inspired me to embrace everything he stood for, a pure and uplifting message truly worth celebrating. Yet over time, it’s hard not to feel disheartened by how humans often distort such intentions, using them as tools for control. But I’ll leave it there — time to focus on the Christmas Spirit that’s just starting to settle in!
Once faced with the reality of Santa, children learn their first lesson in disappointment and the sadness that invariably follows. Although decorating trees, getting presents, and eating Christmas cookies is still fun, something has been lost. This first disappointment gently teaches us our most important lesson of all, we must go on despite the fact that everything always changes.
As synchronicity would have it, the soundtrack of The Grinch Who Stole Christmas now plays energetically in the background. The planned devastation of the Grinch’s dirty tricks s is foiled by the indomitable spirit of the Who’s, as they gather around a quickly constructed Christmas tree singing…
Welcome Christmas,
Fah who rah-moose
Welcome Christmas while we stand,
heart-to-heart and hand-to-hand
Christmas Day will always be
Just so long as we have we.

Usually lost in the shuffle of parties, presents, decorations, preparations, and rushing about, we neglect this precious bottom line. On Christmas and every other day, love and connection will always answer every question and solve every problem.
Next, the enchanting music of the Nutcracker Suite swirls around me. I see my daughter Anna dancing with the grace of a dragonfly skimming a pond’s surface as she performed in this enchanting ballet for over a decade. I recall fondly decorating Christmas cookies with my children and most of the kids in the neighborhood. This pure, joyous chaos was the perfect fulfillment of my lifelong dream to have that home where all the kids wanted to hang out.
I can still feel myself climbing into bed with my son Mike, who I held with all my might to quell the excitement that would wake him up at 3 am every Christmas morning. And I will always treasure my daughter Sarah’s all-knowing, devilish grin as she told me at age four that Santa couldn’t possibly exist! – long before her older brother and sister had a clue.
After suggesting that she keep this to herself and that kids who don’t believe in Santa don’t get presents, she acquiesced with “I believe, I believe!” Of course, she didn’t, but Sarah is no one’s fool.
God, I love that brilliant, brutally honest, feisty little girl, my sweet, gentle, passionate little boy, and my delicate little ballerina! The loss of Christmas magic and childhood wonder is a little sad but bittersweet, signaling the exciting next chapter of their lives.
Years later, we still gather for our traditional Christmas brunch of bagels, cream cheese, smoked salmon, onions, tomatoes, capers, and sparkling cider adorned with a half-peach. I am the only one with champagne; motherhood has certain privileges. But the love is still there, now with the appreciation of all we have been through together and the great mutual respect that goes along with it.

With each passing year, losses mount up for everyone getting up there in age. This year, I have lost two of my dearest friends, irreplaceable. Another two of my friends have had to bear the unimaginable loss of their children, and others now face life without their spouses. My friend Jan lost her very vital parents 10 hours apart, her Dad with a heart attack, her Mom of a broken heart; the most poignant love story possible.
The holidays are particularly painful as the expectation that Christmas (or whatever holiday one celebrates) should be pure joyful perfection. As always, expectation makes the pain of our losses so much more intense. That first Christmas can be a real killer.
After my husband sustained his life-changing stroke one week before Christmas in 2009, I feel my friends’ devastation viscerally. Although no one can or should take away that pain, as grieving is the clear precursor to healing, what I can say is this.
Don’t lose sight of the love that is all around you. Notice that it is most likely deeper than ever before. I have never loved my children more than on that very sad Christmas. There were few presents, and we enjoyed our traditional brunch quietly, but our love and presence for one another were palpable.

Grief breaks you wide open, sensitizing you to the beauty that is all around you if you let it in. Let the beauty of a sparkling Christmas tree, a full moon on a frigid night, or a child glowing with the magic of Christmas enter you, even if it brings you to tears. Tears are a cleansing gift for the soul. They show you how very much you have loved. If you have loved, you have lived!
More importantly, give away more love than you receive, as that is the best and most healing gift you can give yourself. God knows you didn’t ask for your life to be so sadly altered, but focusing your love on others gives you the purpose and meaning needed to carry on. Always remember to share the beautiful essence of your loved one that now lives inside of you and live your life as he or she would wish.
With perfect timing, I finished this contemplation just as the Café was closing as Nat King Cole sings my favorite Christmas song of all time…
And so, I’m offering this simple phrase
To kids from one to ninety-two
Although it’s been said many times, many ways
Merry Christmas to you.
I love you guys!
