Lost… Grace in Adversity – Embracing Spontaneous Contemplative Experiences

PART 1 ARTICLE 14 AUDIO FILE IN FOOTER

When life hands us a profound loss — be it illness, divorce, death, or the suffering of a loved one — we can find ourselves feeling completely unmoored. This is not like getting lost on a familiar route; it’s as if our entire world has been upended, and life as we knew it has disappeared.

As we process the enormity of our grief and seek solace, we feel broken wide open to the excruciating pain of loss. Joy and happiness feel distant, maybe even unattainable. This suffering can linger far longer than we might wish, sometimes over days, weeks, months, or years. Few experiences are as deeply unsettling as this.

Grief, however, has no shortcuts. It must be lived through in its full, raw depth. With time, though it may never fully disappear, grief transforms. Eventually, moments of joy reappear, altered but undeniably present.

Yet, in this vulnerability, something remarkable can occur. The fractures within us allow new insights to enter, like light breaking through a crack in a cave. It’s in these times of adversity that we are offered a profound opportunity for growth and self-discovery. Without experiencing hardship, we might never reach these depths within ourselves — just as a cave, sealed tight, remains untouched by light.

Life often sends us messages in these moments, reminders that, despite our suffering, life holds purpose and meaning. These signs, if we’re open to them, can be gifts that guide us forward and help us find meaning even in our darkest days.

I encountered such a moment many years ago after my first marriage ended. The following passage from my book *Sand Dollar* (c. 1975) captures the experience:

After nights of restless, sleepless hours, I took an early morning walk across the UMass Amherst campus. I sat by the pond, tears of anguish streaming down my cheeks, when suddenly, I became acutely aware of the beauty of early spring.

The first leaves were emerging, the sharp fragrance of apple blossoms filled the pre-sunrise dampness and dragonflies skimmed the pond’s surface. As the cherry blossoms glowed in the light of the rising sun, I was mesmerized by the morning dew shimmering like rainbows on the grass. I had lived through countless springs, seen sunrises, and noticed the leaves, but I had never truly felt them as I did in that moment. Why now? Why not during my more contented days?  

My tears ceased, replaced by a warm smile of gratitude. Despite my sorrow, I realized my life wasn’t over; it was, perhaps, just beginning. In that moment of grace, the horror and fear I had surrounded myself with dissolved, and I knew I would be okay.

These transformative experiences have recurred throughout my life, often surfacing during my darkest moments. They hint at new meaning, suggesting that something profound is unfolding just beyond our sight.

This phenomenon is known as a *spontaneous contemplative experience. These moments, which can occur when we’re most vulnerable, reveal alternative ways of being and bring a newfound reverence for life. They encourage us to cultivate love, compassion, and purpose.

While well-documented, the cause of these experiences remains a mystery. Are they a result of brain chemistry influenced by grief? A spiritual awakening? Or a connection to some cosmic design? The answer eludes us.

What I do know is this: these precious moments help us navigate our grief and give us hope during life’s most difficult times. And they only seem to come when we are truly, deeply lost.

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